The year we confronted death

You get opportunities to hit reset every once in a while. All the major life stages give you that—marriage, childbirth, a job loss, a death in the family. These are events that have in them the potential to make you pause, rethink who you are, rework things that need redoing, and move forward on a new base. Sometimes you need to create a totally new foundation, sometimes just some tinkering is enough. A big shift in who you are is not the easiest to transition through, but all the popular stories we remember are stories of great personal transformation: of battling something within or without and emerging stronger or changed in some way.

This was the year when death came closer to us than ever before, whether we thought about it, saw images of it, or experienced loss firsthand. Each of us is aware of the possibility that this here may be my last day in this body, but we rarely think about it. In the drama of life, this consciousness of death recedes. And it is a pity, because it is the awareness that this embodied life is not permanent that has in it the power to make everyday life much easier to bear.

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Opinion | The Will. The Witness. And the Will Party

When you get to the stage that there are more funerals and prayer meetings than birthday parties to attend, you know that you have crossed the line that marks the declivity towards death. At the after-meal at one such prayer meeting in the home of a close relative, the post-lunch groups broke age-wise into huddles. While the generation Z was in one room bent over their devices, each communicating with other gen Zs, the over 70s were in another room, heads close together. We, in-betweens, looked after both before our own huddle. After two decades of work, the extended family has finally accepted the fact that I might know a bit about money and finances. So, I am summoned to the old gang to discuss Wills —“Monika ko bulao,” rings the command from the eldest silver. As I wade in, I find the group divided down the middle. One set is vociferous in their pro-Will stand and recommends handwritten Wills over an online standard format. The other group looks suspicious. They fear two things and are over-confident of a third. One, the acceptance of their end of time. Two, the fear of the kids not looking after them once the assets are earmarked. Three, they are confident that their kids will not fight over assets—however big or small—and that a Will is needed only if there is a dispute. “My kids will never fight” is almost a statement of faith about their own parenting skills.

 

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